Broken When I'm Open
by xRandomosityx
Summary: Kanda has always been cold towards Allen but are his constant insults starting to push the young exorcist to his breaking point? .:YULLEN:. Rated T for violence and language. R&R?
1. I Will Not Lose

_**Ah, Hello! Watashi wa Randomosity desu! But you can call me Ran-chan! I hope you enjoy my story! Before you begin, here are a few things you should know . . . **_

_**1) This is a Yaoi story. Allen x Kanda to be exact...**_

_**2) All names and places are spelled according to the Manga version...**_

_**3) All characters are as they appear in the Manga so Allen is 15 and Kanda is 18...**_

_**4)**__**I will make a point of answering all questions you have about my story, so ask away!**_

_**5) One more thing, this story is more 'T+' even though that rating doesn't exist... I will try to rate each chapter though. This story may contain swearing, violence, and **__**hot**__** guy on guy make-out scenes... You've been warned!**_

_**This chapter is rated T for use of the 'F' word. **_**\('o')/**

_**I don't own -man. It is owned by the people who own it.**_

_**Now please enjoy...**_

**Broken When I'm Open**

"_To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt."_

_----_

Allen staggered into his room. He was finally back at the Black Order after a three week long mission with Kanda. Needless to say, they got into a fight and hadn't spoken since. They had needed to travel by ship to get to their destination and Allen (already being relatively clumsy by nature) had some difficulty adjusting to the rocking motion of the vessel. He had tripped and collided hard with a near by Kanda and they had both fallen down a flight of stairs. Allen replayed the scene in his mind...

"_Dammit, Moyashi! Get the hell off me!" Kanda yelled._

"_I-I'm sorry Kanda!" Allen said as he hoisted himself up with the assistance of a nearby railing._

"_Che. Why are you so damn stupid?!" Kanda stood with as much composure as he could muster. _

"_It was an accident! You shouldn't have been walking so close to an open stairwell!" (it was a lame comeback, and Allen knew it.)_

"_How dare you try to make this my fault! Maybe if you weren't such a fucking idiot people would be able to stand being around you for more than five consecutive seconds!"_

"_I..." Allen wasn't sure how to respond. He knew that wasn't true. Almost everyone at the Black Order who met him liked him. But for some reason Kanda's comment threw him off and his words caught in his throat._

"_Just stay away from me! I don't want your cursed aura anywhere near me!" Kanda spat out the words and stormed off cursing under his breath. _

_Allen felt a tear about to roll down his pale cheek but he blinked it back. He would not lose. He would not show even a hint of weakness, especially in front of Kanda Yuu._

"_Just stay away from me!" _those words echoed in his mind. _"...Jerk..."_ Allen thought and drifted off into a well-needed sleep.

----

Allen awoke early the next morning. He yawned and rubbed his eyes sleepily. He glanced over at the clock sitting on his bedside table, 7:45. He yawned once more, shuffled out of bed and walked toward his dresser feeling a bit light-headed. _"I must still be tired..."_ he thought reaching for his usual articles of clothing; a pair of gray pants, a white button up shirt and a red ribbon for around his neck.

Once dressed, Allen made his way absentmindedly to the Cafeteria. He hadn't eaten dinner the night before because the kitchen had been closed by the time he'd returned from his mission. The Cafeteria was quite busy now, which was to be expected considering the time. Most people at the Black Order came down for breakfast between 7:30 and 9:00. Allen moved toward the end of the line, his stomach growling impatiently. He was looking forward to one of Jerry's delicious home cooked meals (ten times the regular portion size of course). His mouth started watering as he pondered what he would ask for, but his thoughts were interrupted by an all-to-familiar voice...

Allen peeped his head out of the line. Kanda was at the ordering window having some sort of argument with Jerry... "It's about damn time!" he heard Kanda shout. _"He must be in a worse mood than usual..."_ Allen mused to himself.

Kanda grabbed his tray. He had ordered his favourite, soba. He started walking to a table when he spied Allen looking at him from the line.

Allen turned away quickly, a slight blush crossing his cheeks. _"He saw me! Dammit!"_ Allen shut his eye's and hoped the obviously angry exorcist would just ignore him, but he wasn't that lucky.

"Oi! Baka Moyashi! What are you looking at?!"

Allen's heart started beating faster. He opened his eyes and turned toward the face of doom staring him down. He felt his stomach drop. "A-ah. Good morning Kanda! How are you doing today?" Allen said as calmly and as pleasantly as he could.

"Heh. Going to order your usual mountain of food? Maybe if you ate less and disciplined yourself more you wouldn't be such a useless brat."

Allen's eyes dulled and his smile faded. He turned away. Why did Kanda's words hurt so much?! He couldn't explain it and he felt a sad pang in his chest.

Kanda scowled and walked away. _"Baka Moyashi..."_ he thought. But deep in the back of his mind he knew what he had said was unnecessary. Being a parasite-type, Allen _had_ to eat more to support his innocence. He pushed those thoughts away. _"...Baka Moyashi..."_

Allen moved steadily up the line lost in a daze. He still felt light-headed and his vision was getting a bit bleary...

"-len. Allen. Allen!"

"H-huh? What?" Allen stammered.

"What can I get you Allen? It's your turn to order!" Jerry giggled. "The usual?"

Allen gave Jerry a weak smile. "Um, ye-" Allen stopped. _"Maybe if you ate less and disciplined yourself more you wouldn't be such a useless brat." ... _"Uh, actually I'll have a bowl of granola and some toast." Allen finished.

Jerry remained silent waiting for Allen to continue but no more requests came. "Allen, is that all you want?!" Jerry asked startled. "Are you feeling OK?" Jerry reached out a hand and hovered it in front of Allen's forehead. "You feel warm, Honey!"

"Oh! I'm fine, really!" Allen beamed. He didn't want to worry Jerry. "I'm just not that hungry today, that's all! Ha ha... ha..." he trailed off. He really had lost his appetite for some reason. Jerry seemed to buy it and handed him his order.

Kanda finished his meal and decided to start his morning training. As he was leaving the cafeteria he noticed Allen was just sitting down. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him. Allen had a small breakfast, a _very_ small breakfast. _"He must have taken my comment to heart... maybe I should..." _Kanda took a step toward Allen but his pride stopped him short._ "Am I... __concerned__?"_ The thought enraged him. He mentally kicked himself and walked hastily out the door and straight into Lenalee.

"Oh! Kanda!" she gasped. "Please report to Komui's office immediately. You have a mission." And with that, she scooted past him into the cafeteria.

"_A mission?! I've only just returned from my last mission!" _Kanda grumbled and started to his supervisors office. He opened the door (not bothering to knock) and slammed it closed behind him. He didn't even try to hide his anger. _"First I have to wait half an hour for my breakfast because that idiot Jerry 'forgot' about my order and now this?!"_ he mentally seethed.

"Oh! Kanda! Beautiful morning is it not?!" Komui laughed and gave him a 'thumbs up' sign.

"..."

"Huh? What's with you?" Kanda's rage radiated off of him and Komui could feel it. "Did it just get colder in here? What could have possibly peeved Kanda-_chan_ off so early in the morn'?"

Kanda winced at the girly suffix added to the end of his name. He drew Mugen from its sheath and pointed it threateningly at the idiot before him. "What. Do. You. Want?!" Kanda enunciated each word angrily.

"Ah yes! You have a mission! I will explain the details as soon as Allen gets here." Komui said gleefully, unswayed by the ticked off, sword bearing exorcist.

Kanda stiffened. "Moyashi!?"

Just then, a light knock came from the other side of the door. Allen slowly entered, he felt hot and his head was spinning so he clutched the door handle for support. "Ah! Komui! Sorry I'm la-GAH! Kanda?!" Allen immediately straightened his back and tried to look as alert as possible upon noticing the scowling Japanese staring into him with hateful, loathing eyes.

Komui grinned and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his index finger. "Allen! Glad you could make it! You two have another mission!"

_**Thank you for bearing with me so far! This is my first shot at Fanfiction... or even writing out of school... but I am in English Honours so hopefully I don't suck too bad!**_

_**Please tell me how I can improve! Review~nya?**_

_***Authors Notes* I live in Canada and we spell some words with an extra 'u' e.g. 'honour'. Just so you know! Also, almost all italics are thoughts, in case you missed that.**_

**Interviewer:**_** Ran-chan, are you questioning the readers intelligence?**_

**Ran-chan: **_**Of course not!**__**The readers are all-knowing! *Bows head to readers. Gives cake to those who review* (Btw, The cake is a lie.)**_


	2. Useless

_**Konichiwa! Ran-chan here with *drum roll* Chapter Two! Hopefully it wont disappoint!**_

_**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, fav'd, or alerted! I was so happy to hear you liked my story! Remember, the more reviews I receive the more I want to write, so new chapters will come faster!**_

_**Ah! I forgot to mention that the quote from the beginning of Chapter One is by Madonna... I will probably start all my chapters with a quote of some sort to 'set the mood'. Today's quote comes from Oprah! Enjoy!**_

_**--**_

_**This chapter is rated T for Angsting Allen and Conflicted Kanda.**_

_**I do not own -man. It is owned by the people who own it.**_

_--_

"_You cannot hate other people without hating your self."_

--

"Allen! Glad you could make it! You two have another mission!"

Allen looked shocked. Kanda glowered. Neither of them spoke.

"Hm? Why so quiet?" Komui inquired before taking a long sip of coffee from his favourite mug.

"Uh... well, we only just returned yesterday from our last mission... It's a bit sudden, that's all." Allen said, stealing a glance at Kanda who remained silent.

"Sorry, but you two are the only available exorcists right now. Lavi, Miranda and Krory are all off dealing with minor akuma infestations elsewhere and wont be back for several days."

"Che, what about _Lenalee_?" Kanda muttered disapprovingly.

"Noooo! My Lenalee is needed here to... serve coffee! The Science Department would fall apart without her! She-!"

"Alright already! _Baka Shukan._" Kanda whispered under his breath. Everyone knew the Supervisor hated sending his sister on missions unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Mmhm." Komui cleared his throat and became instantly serious, "We lost communication with a small group of Finders who had been investigating some peculiar disappearances in a small town just north of here. We assume they were killed by an akuma..."

Allen cringed and looked to the side. He hated it when innocent people died in the crossfire of this stupid war, and he hated himself for not being able to save them.

Komui continued, "...Your job is to track down and deal with any akuma there could be residing in that area. It's a two-day trip by train. You leave immediately."

--

Kanda and Allen had to run to make it to the station on time. When they finally got there, Allen was breathing heavily and shaking slightly and his face was remarkably pale. Kanda noticed this at once. _"What the hell?! Is Moyashi sick? He didn't say anything..."_ a look of concern crossed Kanda's features but he promptly shook it off and approached the young, gasping teen.

"What's with you? Are you tired already, _Baka_ Moyashi?" Kanda scoffed.

Allen wiped his face with his sleeve. He was covered in a cold sweat. "For the last time, my name is Allen... and I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Tsk, like I would. I don't care what happens to you, just don't screw up the mission!"

Allen shifted uneasily under his fellow exorcist's harsh gaze. "Kanda... why do you..."

"What?!"

"...Never mind."

Allen walked past Kanda toward the train. It was one o'clock and time to board. Kanda followed behind, confused by Moyashi's obscure behavior. They made their way to a first class cabin near the back of the train. The whistle sounded and their ride began to pick up speed.

The two sat in silence, Kanda glaring at the wall across from him and Allen staring blankly out the window, his head resting on the cool glass. He was feeling steadily worse and he hoped desperately that he wouldn't become a burden to Kanda.

"_The last thing I need is for him to think I'm stupid __and__ weak. Damn, why do I care so much about what __he__ thinks? He said himself that he doesn't care what happens to me. So, why..." _Allen was so confused but couldn't even gather up the strength to try to sort out his thoughts. He soon gave up, and slowly let sleep consume him.

--

Kanda sighed. He could hear Allen panting lightly and assumed he'd fallen asleep. He turned to look at him, surprised at how calming it waswatching the youth sleep. The white-haired exorcist was leaning against the window, his breathe fogging up the cold surface as he exhaled. Kanda absent-mindedly reached over to move a stay lock of hair from Allen's face but stopped abruptly half way.

"What am I doing!?" he scolded himself out loud.

Allen stirred slightly but didn't wake. Kanda watched him carefully. Upon closer inspection, he could tell that Moyashi was definitely sick, his face glistened with sweat and his breathing was getting labored...

_Hff... hff... hff... _

Kanda couldn't help it this time, _"Just to be sure!"_ He told himself and shot out his hand to feel Allen's forehead. _"I knew it! He's burning up! Dammit. Well, there's not much that can be done about it right now..." _Kanda sat back to his seat, keeping his eyes trained on Allen.

"_Even though he's cursed and sick he always looks so... pure..."_ Kanda hated himself for thinking such things, but it was true and soon his thoughts started flowing freely, _"It's pure people like him that make me realize just how tainted and dirty I really am! I hate it!" _Kanda suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He'd just admitted to himself what he'd always tried so hard to deny, his petty, selfish reason for hating Allen. Kanda cursed himself.

Just then, the train started slowing and ground to a halt, waking the sleeping teen.

The Conductor's voice came on over the train's speaker, "Attention passengers, we have arrived at our first stop, 'Mercy Bay'."

Kanda clenched his fists and made an exasperated sigh, knowing he'd regret this later, "Come on!" He yelled at Allen. "We're getting off!"

Allen blinked. "Kanda... This isn't our stop-"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Allen stared baffled at Kanda who turned toward the door to avoid those innocent, silver eyes. He mentally kicked himself again for what he was about to say, "You're obviously sick! We're stopping at an Inn so you can get some rest. Now come on!" Kanda swirled around and grabbed Allen's shirt, yanking him to his feet. He bolted off the train, eyes lowered, and the still drowsy Allen had to struggle to keep up.

"K-Kanda! Wait! I-I'm fine, honest. We can't waist time and-"

"Zip it, Moyashi! Don't get the wrong idea! You're useless enough as it is healthy, if you're sick the mission will fail for sure!"

Allen's eyes grew dim as Kanda's words resounded in his head... _"'Just stay away from me!' 'I don't care what happens to you.' 'You're useless' useless... Maybe Kanda is right._ _I am useless." _Allen continued to chase after the raven-haired samurai but the fact that he had barely eaten in two days was starting to gravely affect his stamina and his fever was peaking. _"Useless."_

"K-Kanda! Allen yelled. "I-I'm sorry..." A tear streaked down the weary adolescent's cheek and he collapsed. Trembling and completely exhausted, he gave in to the welcoming darkness...

Kanda heard a low thud behind him and froze. His pulse quickened as he looked over his shoulder... there lay Allen on the hard, stone walkway, unmoving except for the uneven rise and fall of his chest.

"O-oi, Moyashi?"

Nothing.

"MOYASHI!"

_--_

_**Oooh! A nice little cliffie' to keep you wanting more! Does Allen's Evil Poker Laugh I hope you liked this Chapter, it gave me some trouble! I would love to hear what you think so I can improve! There's cake in it for you! (The cake is a lie... again. Sorry!)**_

_**-Sidebar: Did anyone else notice it said Allen's **__**metal**__** health in the summary? I was so embarrassed!! I was all "Ah! My precious first-impression!" (I think I fixed it though...) **_


	3. Lucky 13

_**Hey! Ran-chan here! Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, fav'd, or alerted! It makes me so happy knowing your enjoying my story! I'm going to try and talk less so without further ado... Here's Chapter 3!**_

_**T for language and mild kinky-ness...**_

_**I do not own D.Gray-man. It is owned by the people who own it.**_

_**I don't know who said today's quote but it's from the movie "Mr. Brooks." Take from it what you will...**_

_--_

_"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."_

--

"O-oi, Moyashi?"

Nothing.

"MOYASHI!"

Kanda rushed to Allen's side and shook his shoulder. "Hey, wake up! Come on!"

Allen's small frame shook as he exhaled. His cheeks were flushed bright pink and sweat glazed his face, yet he felt cold to the touch.

"_Shit! The idiot's fever has gotten way too high!" _The already flustered swordsman began to panic. "Someone, anyone! Where can I find a doctor in this town!?"

"Over there, Boy." An elderly man replied and pointed to a nearby building with a big, red cross over the door. "But the line is always out the door. You'll be waiting for at least two hours."

"Two hours!? That's not good enough! How about an Inn!? Is there an Inn near here!?" Kanda's temper flared and he had to resist the urge to unsheathe Mugen and stab the man who dared call him '_boy_'.

"Hmm... I believe there is one on Cadbrobay Road, just two blocks away by the..."

Kanda didn't even wait for the man to finish. He hoisted Allen onto his back. The unconscious teen's arms draped over his shoulders and his head rested near his neck. Without hesitation, Kanda took off down the street. He noticed people staring and whispering to each other as he ran past them but he didn't have time to care, _Allen_ didn't have time.

"_Ah, here it is!"_ Kanda turned down Cadbrobay and to his relief, there was indeed an Inn. He kicked open the door. "I need a room!"

The manager jumped at the loud noise. "A-ah, right away... uh... Sir." He replied nervously. "Just let me write you a receipt."

Kanda shoved a hand in his pocket and continued to hold Allen with the other. He pulled out a small piece of paper and scribbled the Black Order's address on it. "Bill them. Now, give me a room this instant or I'll _really_ lose my temper!"

"Eh!?" The poor manager backed up against the wall and tossed a room key to the intimidating customer. Normally such methods of payment weren't allowed, but he dreaded the thought of the obviously irritable man losing it and going crazy. "Th-third floor, enjoy your s-stay."

"Che."

Kanda dashed up the stairs and located the room. _"Let's see... room... 13!? What the hell!?"_ Kanda sighed and unlocked the door. He placed Allen on the bed as gently as he could. His normally neat white hair looked messy and unkempt and he was ghostly pale. He was shivering all over now too, and his breathing had become incredibly ragged and sounded terrible.

Kanda quickly searched through his things for a thermometer. They had been in such a rush to leave that he'd just grabbed a handful of medical-type stuff from his messy drawer and crammed it into his bag.

"_Hm... toothpaste, cough drops, tissues... Dammit! I'm sure I have one, but did I pack it? Wait... Aha! Here it is!" _Kanda shook it several times to make the mercury go down before awkwardly sticking it in Allen's mouth. Luckily it stayed in place.

He started counting down from one hundred-twenty. The thermometer needed two minutes to get an accurate reading. _"...78, 77, 76, 75... Ugh..."_ Kanda suddenly realized he was pacing back and forth and stopped abruptly. _"Che. I'm not worried! Baka Moyashi making me go to all this trouble... 31, 30, 29... Losing to a fever so easily... 3, 2, 1, time!"_

Kanda grabbed the small, glass tubefrom broken-down exorcist's lips. His dark eyes scanned along the thin device searching for the number the skinny red line met up with. His eyes widened.

"_No way." _He double, then triple checked. Allen's temperature was 105.2 degrees and likely still on the rise._ "But... you can die if your body temperature exceeds 107... Shit!" _

Kanda ran to the bed and started shaking Allan, "Moyashi! Wake up, dammit! What am I supposed to do!?" He was losing time and felt completely helpless. He had to cool Allen down but how!? He had no medication he could give him. He didn't even have an ice pack! "MOYASHI!" he called again in vain.

"_Cold, cold, what's cold!?"_ He started searching and made his way to the bathroom, _"Got to cool him down." _He threw open drawers and cabinets finding absolutely nothing of use.

"Kuso!" The frustrated exorcist vented his anger by kicking the hard, metal basin beside him.

"_Huh? A bathtub? That might work!... But that would mean I'd have to-" _Kanda gulped and looked nervously at Allen. He could think of no other solution. He turned the tap to cold and the big, claw-foot tub began to fill with icy water.

"I'm going to kill you later for making me do this, Moyashi!" Kanda threatened, even though he knew his words fell on deaf ears, and the tall Japanese teen began taking off Allen's coat. He threw it to the side and moved on to unbutton the younger teen's shirt. About half way down, Kanda could feel his face start to redden and he pulled away.

"_Wha- what the Hell!? Why am I-? I hate the little brat! I HATE HIM!"_ He roughly pulled the rest of the shirt over Allen's head revealing a slender but surprisingly well-toned body. He shook off another blush he felt creeping onto his face. _"I hate him..."_

Kanda proceeded by taking off Allen's shoes and chucking them into a corner. They were followed shortly by a pair of grey socks.

"_Now, all that's left are his... pants." _Hard as he tried, Kanda could not shake off the ever-deepening pink currently gracinghis cheeks. He shakily began undoing the button on Moyashi's pants.

"_Gah! I feel like a pervert! ...But I bet perverts don't blush this much..."_ He shut his eyes tight and pulled off Allen's pants in one, careful movement. "Your keeping your boxers on!" He said angrily to the white-haired teen not caring that he couldn't hear.He picked up the half-naked Allen and carried him to the bathroom.

"_This better work!" _Kanda thought, turning off the steady stream of water and placing the feverish teen in the frigidity water. He was almost completely submerged, except for his head which rested on the edge of the tub.

All Kanda could do now was wait. He leaned against the cool, tiled wall and sunk to the floor. He was still fuming over the fact that he, Kanda Yuu, had _blushed _over _Allen_. _"I hate pure people, especially that damn Moyashi! I hate everything about him! Every damn, 'pure', little thing!" _But when he looked over at the panting individual from where he sat and felt a sad ache in his chest. Kanda closed his eyes. He didn't know what to think. His heart seemed to be constantly clashing with what his mind thought to be true.

--

Two hours passed and the perplexed samurai turned his head toward the tub. The mop of white hair hadn't moved an inch from where it rested but something was off. He could no longer hear the heavy breathing that had once echoed in the room. A surge of worry coursed through his body and he leapt to his feet.

"Moyashi!?" Kanda bent over Allen and was relieved to see that his chest was still moving up and down but his breath was now only a light whisper.

"_Is that a good sign?" _He wasn't sure if that meant he was getting better... or starting to fade away. He once again placed the thermometer in Allen's mouth and counted down. It was a long, painfully intolerable two minutes. At last, the swordsman withdrew the slim, glass tube which would tell him Moyashi's fate. He followed the thin, red line of mercury to the number it matched...

"_102.1."_

Kanda gaped.

"102.1!? It's gone down! Did you hear that, Moyashi!? You're getting better!" Kanda was shocked by his own enthusiasm and sunk to the floor in defeat. Maybe he liked the pure creature more than he was letting himself believe...

"Hnn... Wha? K-Kanda?" A shaky voice came from the tub.

"Moyashi?" Kanda stood up quickly surprising the still dazed Allen. "You're awake!?"

Allen looked at him in awe. _"Is he actually __happy__ to see me?"_

Kanda stared at the awe-struck boy. _"So c-cu-"_ He blushed ever so slightly and spun around so Moyashi wouldn't see.

Suddenly, Allen realized where he was _and_ that he was almost nude. "Wha-What the!? I-I'm cold... Where are my clothes!?" He grabbed the edge of the tub and started to stand up.

Kanda turned his head. "Hey, be careful! You still have a-" But his warning came too late. Standing so suddenly made Allen remarkably dizzy and he toppled out of the bath onto the near-by exorcist.

"_Ugh, this scenario feels familiar." _The soaking-wet teen's vision swam from the sudden movement.

"You still have a fever, Moyashi. Y-You need to take better care of yourself..."

Allen was too stunned to speak. Kanda hadn't yelled or even scowled at him. _"It must be because I'm sick... He wouldn't be nice to me if-" _His thoughts were interrupted. He felt a warm hand on his back and another under his knees and he suddenly found himself in the air.

"K-Kanda! I'm fine and I can walk! You don't have to-"

"The last time you said you were 'fine' you had a fever of 105! Your temperature is still at 102 and your resting here until it goes down to normal!"

"But-"

"No buts!"

The now very damp swordsman placed Allen on the bed and grabbed him a towel and a clean shirt.

"Kanda! I- That is- Thank you, and I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Tears started welling up in the cursed boy's eyes. He tried to stop them from overflowing with his palms but a few still escaped and ran down his face. _"Why am I crying!?"_ He couldn't explain it, but it felt like, maybe, Kanda was finally starting to accept him.

"I'm the one who should be sorry." Kanda whispered and looked to the side. He knew it was his fault Allen hadn't eaten in three days.

"What?"

"Nothing."

_**Grumble**_

Allen's whole face turned crimson and he clutched his stomach in embarrassment. "Sorry..."

"Heh. I'll get food."

--

_**And there you have it! This story is going to get 'bloody' soon. (I can't wait to put my sadistic little mind to work!)**_

_**Anyway, reviews are greatly appreciated as always! Thank you for being so patient with the last chapter's cliffie! Remember, The more reviews I get, the more motivated I am to write! Kanda and Allen's story is **__**far**__** from over! Kanda may be starting to acknowledge his feelings but he has a loong way to go! **_

_**That said, sit tight! The angst, drama, and romance will skyrocket soon!**_

_**Kuso- damn (I think) **_


	4. Don't Be Sorry

_**Yeah! Another Chappie is out! I hope you like it! I'm sorry it's a bit late... I had to take a CPR course last weekend and didn't get any time to write! But your reviews gave me the strength to continue! Arigatou gouzaimasu! \(x)/ Well... on with the story!**_

_**Today's quote comes from... Anonymous!**_

_**This chapter is rated T for language and mild violence.**_

_**I do not own DGM. It is owned by the people who own it. **_

_--_

"_Acceptance of others, their looks, their behaviors, their beliefs, bring you inner peace and tranquillity -- instead of anger and resentment"_

--

"Heh. I'll get food."

--

Allen was now sleeping soundly. His fever had continued to drop and Kanda assumed it would be back down to normal by morning. A good night's sleep and a decent meal was all he had really needed...

When Kanda had returned with four bags of various types of food, Allen had been reluctant to eat at first, (recalling the older exorcist's harsh words about his eating habits from before the mission) but within a few minutes, he slowly started consuming the mountain of food before him with some minor encouragement from the guilty feeling swordsman.

With Allen taking up the rooms only bed, Kanda slept on the floor, his mind plagued with thoughts of the white-haired boy. Despite desperate attempts to clear his head, he could not. He hated the idea of having to face his feelings, especially feelings he didn't want to have and didn't know he was even capable of having. Coming to terms with one's emotions is a difficult task, and for someone as stubborn as Kanda, it was a trying process indeed. With his head still swimming, the conflicted teen drifted off into a restless sleep.

--

Allen awoke the next morning feeling much better and refreshed. He stretched his arms as high as they would go over his head and yawned. He gazed bleary-eyed around the room but immediately snapped out of his daze when he spied someone sprawled out on the floor. Allen sat stunned on the edge of the bed gaping at the awkwardly poised Kanda. He had always figured the stern man would be one of those people who fell asleep and woke up in the exact same position. That appeared not to be the case. Kanda's left arm stuck straight out to the side and his right was bent in an 'L' shape above his head. He had kicked his blanket off to the side and his legs were spread in a jumping-jack type stance. He wore only a loose, white tank top and a light blue pair of boxers. Allen was highly amused by the spectacle that lay before him and a small smirk crept onto his lips.

"_Heh heh. Maybe I should wake him up... but I don't want to embarrass him, despite how hilarious his reaction would undoubtably be..."_ Allen carefully stepped out of bed determined not to wake Kanda. He walked toward his sleeping companion and knelt down beside him. He looked so serene as he slept, completely opposite from his usual, abrasive manor. His lengthy, black hair looked so soft from up close. Allen had always wanted to touch Kanda's hair but he knew that would most likely end in him being horribly disfigured by Mugen, so he kept his hands to himself.

"_But if he's asleep, maybe I could get away with it... Just once..."_ He extended his hand and stroked a small section of the ebony hair. He smiled to himself. It _was_ soft.

"Mm...Moyashi..."

Allen froze. Kanda _was_ asleep... right?

"_Could he be dreaming about... Me?" _The very idea tinted Allen's cheeks a soft shade of pink.

The small exorcist's hand still hovered above Kanda's head. Suddenly, the samurai shot up his hand and grabbed Allen's.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kanda inquired menacingly. The sudden contact caused Allen's already pink cheeks to become bright red in embarrassment.

"I- I- Ah- That is-" He had no clue what to say. How could he explain that he wanted to touch Kanda's hair just because it looked soft!?

"Che. Baka Moyashi. I thought I felt someone touching me." Kanda released Allen's hand and looked down. He realized he was sitting there in only his underwear. _"Shit! Did Moyashi see me like this!? I bet I was in a really weird position too! Dammit!"_ He knew that he slept abnormally. He tended to move a lot and sometimes even fell out of bed.

Kanda stood up and stormed into the bathroom, arms tight to his sides and his fists clenched. He was obviously annoyed by being seen in his current, unruly state and Allen couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so... happy.

"_Kanda..."_

--

"Hurry up, Moyashi!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!"

"Well, go faster!"

"Hah, we made it!"

"No thanks to you. _Sigh..._ Wait here. I'll get the tickets."

Now that Allen's health had improved, The two exorcists needed to make up for lost time. They couldn't afford to get sidetracked anymore. They had just made it to the station in time to catch the 9:00AM train. If there were no further delays, they would make it to their destination by nightfall.

Allen smiled to himself while he waited. Even though anyone who knew about their 'unpleasant history' would say that Kanda still treated him the same as he always had, Allen felt differently. Kanda still called him 'Moyashi' and insulted him whenever possible... but the 'hate' behind the words seemed to have dissipated and maybe, just maybe, it would eventually disappear altogether...

"Oi! Stop staring off into space! The train is leaving!"

"Yes." Allen replied and turned to Kanda, still smiling.

"Ah- You-!" Kanda was taken aback by Allen's smile. _"Hmpf! Why does Moyashi have to be so damn cute!? Wait a second... What the hell am I thinking!?" _

To Allen, it looked like Kanda had just been slapped across the face. He just stood there with a confused look on his face.

"Kanda... Are you alright?"

"..."

"_Maybe he's gotten sick as well!?"_ In a flash, Allen was right in front of Kanda, their faces not even half an inch from each other. Kanda instantly came back to earth from planet 'deep-in-thought' and pulled away hastily in embarrassment, too stunned to speak.

"Hm... You don't have a fever. Are you feeling okay? You weren't really responding..."

"Bu- You- I- Gah! J-Just stay away from me!" Kanda ran onto the train. He mentally stabbed himself _and_ twisted the knife. He wasn't really mad at Allen, but at himself or actually _liking_ the close contact. _"Chikushou! I'm losing it!"_

Allen ran onto the train after the fuming exorcist. He hadn't meant to upset him. He remembered Mana checking his temperature that way and he guessed it was just a reflex. "Kanda, wait for me!"

Kanda stopped and turned around. Allen was sprinting down the narrow hallway toward him. As he passed a row of cabins, one of the doors suddenly swung open and he crashed into it. A hefty looking man stepped out from behind the other side of the door and slammed it shut. He was at least a foot taller than Allen, who was now on the ground.

"_This doesn't look good..."_ Kanda placed his right hand on his sword and readied himself for a possible fight.

"Ow, ow, ow! That hurt..." Allen looked up and saw a very angry looking man glaring down at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sir! I was running and-"

"Stupid kids! Always in a rush and thinkin' they can do whatever the hell they want! Someone has to take em' down a peg or two before they're out of control!"

Kanda could tell something was coming. "_Shit!_ Moyashi! Be care-" but his warning came to late.

The surly man kicked Allen in the stomach with such force it left the teen gasping for air and clutching his stomach in pain.

Kanda stared on in horror. He had never felt so enraged in all his life.

The obviously unstable individual began to laugh and stepped on Allen's freshly-bruised stomach causing him to shudder in discomfort.

"Ha ha! Idiot! I ought to-"

The sword-wielding exorcist cut him off,

"I'd leave right now, _Sir_, if you value your life."

The violent man turned around and Kanda pressed Mugen dangerously close to his throat. He didn't need to be told twice. His manly facade vanished and he bolted down the hall in panic.

"Che."

Allen winced as he shakily got to his feet.

"Oi..." Kanda extended his hands as if expecting the startled boy to fall into him, but he didn't. Allen stood his ground but kept his eyes lowered. He took a deep breath and spoke in a small voice,

"I'm sorry. All I do is cause trouble for everyone around me, especially for you. I'm really sorry..." The pained teen trembled as he fought back tears.

Kanda couldn't stand seeing Allen like this. He wanted so badly to make the cursed boy's pain go away. Why was it that Allen, who always tried to see the good in this horrible world, suffered so much!? It ate Kanda up inside. The teen who was there for everyone, had no one there for him! How was that fair!?

At this point, Kanda decided to do the only thing he could think of that might help, perhaps he would come to regret it later but he didn't care. He stepped forward, reached out and held Allen in a gentle embrace.

"Huh!? K-Kanda, what are you-!?" Allen blushed profusely and felt his heart start to beat faster.

"Shut up, Baka Moyashi. You're too hard on yourself..."

"...I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry! You have nothing to be sorry for!"

"...Thank you, Kanda."

Allen wrapped his own arms around the warm man and drew him in closer. Kanda didn't resist. He was sick of fighting his feelings and he didn't think he'd be able to anymore even if he wanted to. He felt butterflies in his stomach from being so close to Moyashi and... he liked it.

"_I love... Allen."_

--

_**This chapter gave me issues! -(o)- But in the end, I think it came out well...**_

_**PLEASE REVIEW! They really encourage me to write more and they make me happy! \(o)/ **_

_**Rather than using their hand, some people put their foreheads really close to the sick-person-in-questions' in order to tell if they have a fever. I have seen it done... in an anime. \(3)/**_

_**Chikushou - damn (Yeah, in the last chappie I said 'kuso' means damn... my mistake!)**_

_**Sit tight! The gore is on it's way! \(Q Q)/**_


	5. Don't Let This Be The End

_**Yes! It's here! The fifth and longest chappie so far! Sorry to keep you waiting but I kept getting shit-loads of homework!! I was sad to notice that my 'smiley face guys' were missing eyes and junk cause didn't print a bunch of the symbols I used!! \(O.o)/ So unfair! Anyway, Thank you to those who reviewed! It keeps me in the writing-spirit!**_

_**This chapter is rated T+ for language and the long-awaited gore! –(If you can call it that...)**_

_**I do not own D.Gray-Man. It is owned by the people who own it. **_

_--_

"_Because I'm broken_

_When I'm open_

_And I don't feel like_

_I am strong enough_

_Because I'm broken_

_When I'm lonesome_

_And I don't feel right_

_when you're gone away..." _

_--_

"_I love... Allen."_

There. He'd admitted it. Kanda Yuu had admitted to himself that he loved Allen. There was no going back now. He could no longer keep his feelings dammed behind a wall of denial. They flowed freely through his mind and drenched all of his thoughts. Despite having come to terms with his emotions, he couldn't help but feel terribly sad inside as he held Allen. He was positive that the white-haired teen would never feel the same. _"Heh, maybe that's a good thing. Someone as pure and innocent as Allen deserves better than a jerk like me."_ The realization hit him hard and fast. _"Allen deserves better than me... he'll be happier never knowing my feelings... so I wont let him know!" _

--

After finding their cabin, the two exorcists sat in an awkward silence for the whole trip. There had been a few failed attempts at conversation... but other than that they were both too embarrassed to speak. Occasionally they would steal a glance at the other, and if their eyes met they would do that 'I'm just lookin' around the room' thing to avoid each other's gaze.

While Kanda masked his emotions well by keeping a rather stern look on his face, Allen had a bit more difficulty. His cheeks seemed to be permanently flushed a rosy pink and he was obviously flustered.

"_He hugged me. Kanda actually hugged me... and I hugged him back. I-It felt... nice. Could he like me!? No way... I am delving way too deep in this. He must have just felt sorry for me in my pathetic state. I-I don't want to always have to rely on Kanda. I want to get stronger... for him."_

At some point during the long trip Allen and Kanda both drifted off to sleep, exhausted by the previous nights events. They were jolted out of their slumber when the train screeched to a halt at its final stop.

"_Nng...?_ Are we there? Allen yawned and sat up in his seat, trying to look a little more alert.

Once again, the Conductor could be heard on the loud speaker, "We have just pulled up at our final destination, Lansing Town."

"Che. We're here."

The two exorcists collected their things and got off the train. Allen's stomach was still sore where he'd been kicked but he refused to let the pain show on his face or in his movements. He wanted to avoid being a nuisance to Kanda at all costs.

The train sped away down the track leaving Allen and Kanda to fend for themselves in the strange town. There wasn't a single person in the station, not even a ticket salesman was present. The rest of Lansing also seemed to be deserted. It was eerily quiet and still. None of the houses' windows were glowing with warmth and if it hadn't been for the street lamps it would have been completely dark. Everything was made of stone; the streets, the houses, everything. A very foreboding ora surrounded the town and Allen felt a chill go down his spine.

"Where is everyone?" Allen inquired nervously.

"How the hell should I know? Maybe people here just go to bed really early." Kanda replied sarcastically even though he was rather curious himself. It was only around eight o'clock and the fact that no one was on the street or at their windows was very peculiar.

"We didn't make it in time... The Akuma got here first and..." Allen couldn't finish his sentence. It was because of him that they were late and guilt was weighing down heavily upon him.

Kanda could tell just by looking what the cursed boy was thinking and he couldn't understand why. Allen really had nothing to feel responsible for. Yes, they had been delayed because Allen was sick but that was hardly his fault and in truth, even if they'd gotten here twenty-four hours earlier it wouldn't have made any difference.

"Oi, Moyashi! Can the guilty expression. Whatever happened here happened a while ago. Whether we'd arrived here a week from now or yesterday it'd be the same."

"How do you know!?"

"Because Akuma can't take over a whole town in one night!"

"They could if there were enough of them!"

"_Enough_ of them? Che. What are you suggesting?" snarled Kanda.

"..."

Allen was feeling very discouraged. Kanda's words were once again laced with hate and they pierced his heart like a searing knife. He felt his throat tighten and he choked on his words. _"I thought he was finally starting to acknowledge me... I thought he might..." _Allen blushed at his own thoughts. _"It not that I- I just thought he- I don't actually- I couldn't really... 'like' Kanda... Could I?" _Allen's entire face was bright red by this point and he bolted down the street away from Kanda but he couldn't escape from his embarrassment.

It hurt Kanda to watch Allen run away from him but it was for the best. The more Allen distanced himself from the swordsman's heart the better. If Kanda let himself get too close to the young teen he would only hurt him in the end. Allen was gaining a bit too much ground though...

"Moyashi, get back here!"

To Kanda's surprise, Allen stopped abruptly right after he called and spun around to face him. Allen's cursed eye was going crazy.

"Kanda! Akuma!"

Before Kanda could react, the two exorcists were surrounded by at least a dozen Level Two Akuma's and some Level Ones were approaching quickly after.

"INNOCENCE INVOCATION!"

Allen and Kanda leapt into battle.

"Cross Grave!" Allen shouted and attacked some of the lowly Level Ones who he defeated with ease. The Level Twos would pose more of a challenge but he hoped it was nothing they couldn't take care of. If any Level Three's appeared the mission would be at risk of failure, but Allen was determined not let that happen. He transformed his anti-akuma weapon into a gun and began firing it at the Akumas.

"_Kaichu Ichigen_ (Hell's Insects)!" Kanda held Mugen high above his head and slashed it down through the air, releasing a wave of supernatural creatures that promptly destroyed a group of Level Ones and injured several Level Twos. He slashed his sword at a tall, wiry looking Akuma only for it to disappear before his eyes. It immediately reappeared behind the confused samurai and struck him hard in the back. _"Great. What a pain-in-the-ass ability!"_ Kanda mused. He made another attempt to cut down his enemy only to have the same thing happen.

"Che." Kanda grunted in frustration. "_Nigentou_ (Two Illusion Blades)!" A coat of energy enveloped his katana and its scabbard changing them into two incredibly sharp weapons. He spun around and stabbed the blades in front and behind himself simultaneously impaling the unsuspecting Akuma.

"Kanda! Are you alright?" Allen called and began running toward his fellow exorcist.

"Of course I am! Worry about yourself, stupid Moyashi! You look like hell!"

Allen's heart sank. His facial expression quickly went from concerned to emotionless and his usually bright eyes seemed to grow dark. It looked as though he was too upset to even cry.

"Mm..." was all Allen could manage to say before running back to fight.

Kanda was filled with self-loathing. _"He'll be happier if he hates me... wont he?" _Kanda didn't have time to dwell on the situation before he was once again under attack.

The battle continued on for many hours. Where were all these Akumas coming from? Though they were consistently level ones and twos and not overly hard to defeat, Kanda and Allen were rapidly losing their stamina. Both of them were starting to feel the effects of the injuries they'd sustained. Allen was hit several times in his already aching stomach and slammed against a brick wall while his back was turned. He was also beginning to feel dizzy from an uppercut he'd received to the head. Kanda was littered with various cuts and bruises and felt sore all over. Finally, when the weary exorcists were beginning to think this mission would be their downfall, the attacks started decreasing and soon ceased altogether. Allen's arm reverted back to normal and Kanda's katana and scabbard hung loosely at his sides. They looked toward each other but stayed still and silent. That was when Allen felt a sharp pain in his cursed eye.

"_Ow! Why does my eye still..." _Allen looked up with a start and felt a surge of panic course through him. There was a level three Akuma descending rapidly upon them. It was pitch black in colour which made its sharp, white teeth stand out more than one would like. Its arms seemed to double as its weapons. Instead of hands, there were two pointed jags of what looked like metal sticking out from its wrists and they were aimed directly at an unsuspecting Kanda.

"KANDA, MOVE!" Allen ran toward him and activated his innocence. He managed to shove Kanda out of the way of the impending assault just in the nick of time. The Akuma smashed its 'hand' into the ground creating a giant crater in the cobble street. It promptly rose up again and grinned wickedly at the shocked pair.

"**Heh heh. What's your problem!?" **the Akuma snarled at Allen. Kanda placed his hand on Mugen's hilt and prepared to attack but Allen wasn't about to let him do all the fighting. It was his turn to protect Kanda. Without warning, Allen jumped in the air and transformed his arm into a saber-type weapon and brought it down hard on the Akuma.

"**Heh. Is that the best you can do!?" **Allen stared in shock at where his weapon had landed. He hadn't even made a dent in the Akuma's tough exterior.

"_Shit!"_ Allen knew he was in trouble. He suddenly felt something hard smash against his skull and his vision went blank. He fell to the ground with a thud and lay there motionless.

"Moyashi!"

"_Nng... My head hurts. My body feels like lead. I don't want to get up... but I can hear someone calling me... No, let me rest. But... Kanda... where's Kanda? I promised myself I'd be strong for him, the one... the one I love! That's my resolve!"_

Kanda felt like he couldn't breathe as he stared at Allen's unmoving body. Kanda didn't think he'd ever seen the young teen look so bad. He just looked completely... _broken_. His normally snow-white hair was slowly becoming red and there was a steady stream of blood flowing down the side of his delicate face. He wanted so badly to rush up to him and steal his pain but the Akuma stood firmly in his way.

"MOYASHI!" Kanda called desperately.

Nothing.

"A-ALLEN! Wake up! You have to wake up! Please!" Kanda was pleading now. He was so distressed that he didn't notice the Akuma had turned its attention to him. It walked slowly toward him until they weren't even inches apart.

"**Heh heh heh! Now, you die!" **The Akuma screeched raising one of its weapon-like hands, but just as it was about to strike, a glowing saber pierced through its heart from behind.

"**AAH!" **The Level Three let out a startled scream.

Kanda was rigid. "A-Allen...?" He questioned uneasily.

"The battle's over." Allen replied and withdrew his weapon. His arm involuntarily reverted back to its original form from exhaustion.

The Akuma fell to its knees it turned toward Allen, struggling to stay alive. **"Heh! **_**You're**_** over!"**

"NO!" Kanda unsheathed his sword but it was too late.

Blood splattered on the ground. The dark red liquid filled the cracks between the cobbles on the street. Allen's eyes widened as he tried to contemplate what had just happened. He looked down at the hand lodged in his body.

"**Heh." **The Akuma began to dissolve into the air as it moved on to the afterlife leaving Allen with a gaping hole in his chest.

The wounded teen quivered and a thin line of blood trickled down from his parted lips as he collapsed to his knees, the rest of his body following soon after.

"ALLEN!" Fear swam through Kanda's body as he sprinted toward the bloody exorcist and kneeled down beside him. Inside he was panicking but he tried to remain calm. "A-Allen! Hey! Allen?" He slowly flipped the boy onto his back revealing his horrible injury. Blood was quickly soaking through Allen's clothes. Kanda swiftly removed his coat and wrapped it around Allen torso as best he could. "Allen? Talk to me! Come on..."

Allen's eyes flickered open. They looked glassy and unfocused and his skin was looking paler by the minute. "Kanda... You called me 'Allen'. I'm so happy..." Allen's eyes began to close again.

"Ha ha! That's right! But I'll call you 'Moyashi' if you don't stay awake!" Kanda said, desperately trying to keep Allen conscious. "Stay with me Allen!" You have to stay with me!"

Allen opened his eyes once more. "Why?" His voice was almost inaudible. "I'm tired. I want to sleep."

"I know you're tired, but you have to stay awake. It's very important. Talk to me... tell me how you defeated the Akuma." Kanda tried to make conversation to keep Allen alert.

"Hm... I don't know really... I remember I wanted to protect Kanda so much... and my innocence started glowing a strange colour and..."

"And?"

"..."

"What happened next?" Kanda lifted Allen's head onto his lap and gently tapped the side of his face. Allen's cheeks had lost all colour and his breathing was strained and came in gasps. "Don't leave me hanging. You have to finish your story!"

"..."

"...Allen? No... No, no, no! Allen! Come back!" Kanda could see blood starting to seep through the coat he'd wrapped around Allen's chest. "Fuck!" Kanda tried to apply pressure to the wound but then Allen wouldn't be able to breathe at all. He pulled off his shirt and ripped it into strips before carefully attempting to bind up the injury. Allen's breath had gotten very shallow and his pulse was barely there.

"Is this how it ends?" Kanda stroked Allen's hair. Even in his current state, Allen still looked pure, innocent, beautiful. "This can't be the end..." Kanda's throat ached from stifling back sobs and he could no longer suppress his sadness behind a cool demeanor. Tears overflowed from his dark eyes and made rivers down his cheeks.

"DON'T LET THIS BE THE END, ALLEN!"

--

_**Heh heh... Cliffie... Yes... I am evil. But I had to update so... I will try not to make you wait so long for the next chappie though! Please don't mentally jab out my eyes!! Ah, the quote at the beginning is actually lyrics from the song "Broken" by Seether. Yes, that's where I got the title of my story from... **_

_**Review? Puh-lease!?**_

_**Oh! If you want to know how far I am in writing the next Chapter, Check out my profile! I update almost everyday!**_


	6. Hate

_**Ran-chan here with words of apology! (I talk too much so feel free to skip me begging for forgiveness.)**_

_**I'm sorry!! Really sorry!! I said I wouldn't keep you waiting and I did!! And even after the huge wait I give you an uber-short chappie!! \(x)/ Ran-chan has mailed all of her wonderful reviewers cake! Expect it to arrive in 2-200,000 weeks. (It will be worth the wait.) **_

_**Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers who have put up with my crappy story!! \(QxQ)/ I glomps' you all!**_

_**I do not own -man. It is owned by the people who own it.**_

_**Today's quote is a chunk of lyrics from "Falling Inside the Black" by Skillet. (It fits da' chappie well!)**_

_----_

"_Don't leave me alone_

_Cause I barely see at all_

_Don't leave me alone, I'm..._

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me!?"_

----

"DON'T LET THIS BE THE END, ALLEN!"

----

Kanda was exhausted. The past thirty minutes had felt like hours. Allen's head still rested in Kanda's lap and he continued to gently stroke the young boy's hair soothingly. His well of tears had run dry and silence rolled over them like a fog. Kanda was so disoriented that he couldn't even tell if Allen was still alive. If he was still breathing, it was only just. Blood had not proceeded to drench the white strips of his shirt that he'd wrapped around Allen's chest, but he worried it may have stopped too late. Allen was only fifteen and on the small side. He wouldn't be able to stand losing much more than a litre or so of blood at the most.

It was so dark and so quiet...

Kanda took a deep breath and looked down at the wounded teen.

Desperate to break the silence he softly hummed the words to a song he was sure he'd forgotten. _"...Mori no fukuro ga iimashita... watashi wa mori no mihari yaku..."_ He couldn't even remember how he'd learned the Japanese lullaby, but he found the tune comforting and continued, _"...Kowai okami, kitsune nado... kosasenai kara ne ne shina... Gorosuke ho ho, Gorosuke ho..."_

Kanda repeated the lyrics again and again as if expecting Allen to join in at any moment, but he didn't.

"Oh, God... Please wake up, Allen." The samurai futilely shook the teen's small shoulders. "...Why won't you wake up!?" Kanda brushed his hand along Allen's cheek. _"He's so cold. No... He couldn't have-"_

"Allen!"

----

"_Where am I? I can't feel my body... I can't open my eyes. Am I dead? Did I die? No... I can't be dead... I feel cold. What happened?"_

"_...Al...len..."_

"_Hm? I can hear. Who is talking? What are they saying?"_

"_...Allen..."_

"_That's my name... I know that voice... Kanda! I'm here Kanda! I'm here!"_

"_...Allen..."_

"_Why do you keep calling me? Why do you sound so sad?"_

"_...Please come back..."_

"_Come back? Where did I go? Please don't sound so sad! I want to see you... I want to see you so much!"_

"_Don't leave me all alone, Allen!"_

"_I won't! I promise!"_

_----_

Allen forced his eyes open...

Kanda looked down at the small exorcist blearily staring up at him and felt his heart skip. "Allen?"

"Kan...da..."

"_..." _Kanda couldn't believe his eyes. How was this possible?

Allen watched as different emotions flashed through Kanda's eyes. He seemed to be lost in his own little world as he gazed blankly at Allen. He looked startled and unsure of what to do in the current situation.

"_Come to think of it, what is the current situation?" _"Kanda, I'm back" Allen said in a hoarse voice and smiled reassuringly at Kanda.

"..."

"...Kanda-?"

"I thought I'd lost you."

Allen's eyes widened in surprise at the pained look on the older man's face. "W-What do you mean?"

"Don't you remember!? You got stabbed through the chest by a fucking Level Three trying to-"

Kanda's ebony eyes dulled with guilt as his mind mulled over the undeniable. _"Allen got hurt protecting me... He almost died... It's all my fault... It's all my fault! I let him get to close and now-" _His thoughts were interrupted by a small, strained voice.

"Why do you look so sad?"

"I-"

"Please tell me you're not blaming yourself for me getting hurt..." Allen trailed off. He was having a lot of difficulty breathing let alone speaking, but he last thing Allen wanted was for Kanda to be crushed by self-induced guilt.

Kanda lowered his eyes. He would not falter this time. For Allen's sake, he would make himself absolutely _hated_._ "Baka!" _He yelled, causing Allen to jump slightly. "I will never care what happens to a stupid little brat like you. I feel sick just looking at you!"

Allen was too shocked to move from Kanda's sudden outburst. He felt the older exorcists harsh gaze pierce into him like a heated knife. He shifted uneasily causing a dreadful wave of pain to crash down on his chest. "B-but y-you sounded-"

"Che. What? _'Concerned'? _Don't make me laugh! It would be bad for the Order to loose one of the few exorcists it has so I kept you alive, but if it were up to me... I would have let you die."

Allen trembled as the words echoed loudly in his head. Ignoring the pain he felt every time he took a breath, Allen sat up and got to his feet.

"Oi! Do you have a death wish!? You're just going to make you're injury worse if you move!" Kanda stood up and grabbed Allen's wrist.

"Let go of me!" Allen huffed as he vainly tried to yank his arm free from the steel grip. He was seeing doubles and everything sounded slurred and far away. What happened next was the last thing Allen expected. Kanda raised his arm and backhanded Allen with blinding force across his angelic face. Time seemed to slow for Allen as he fell to the ground. He looked at Kanda with an expression of hurt and confusion and Kanda returned it with one of hate and disdain.

"_Why?"_ Kanda, the one Allen craved respect, acceptance, and love from more than anyone else in the world, had just struck him across the face... and didn't care if he lived or died.Allen couldn't even attempt to piece together his thoughts before his vision began to spot and then black out altogether. _"Why?" _

Kanda shoulders slumped. He hated, no, _loathed_ himself. He wanted to die. He knelt down beside Allen and checked his wound to make sure it hadn't reopened. Allen's cheek was turning red where he'd hit him. Kanda inwardly cursed himself. Kanda was sure Allen would completely disown him after that, even though he had hit him to get him to stop moving more than anything else, it still killed him to strike the completely undeserving boy.

Kanda gently lifted Allen into his lap and hugged him to his chest. A single tear rolled down his cheek. This was the last time he would every get to hold Allen. When they returned to the Black Order he would make sure to never let his heart near him again. It was better that way.

"Goodbye... Allen."

----

_**Author's Note:**__** Just so there's no confusion, The big chunk of italicized font in the middle of the story is Allen hearing Kanda and talking to him in his head, not out loud.**_

_**Crap, I talk to much... **_

_**Yes, This is a short chappie... And it seems a bit rushed to me... I have an ending in mind though so the next chappie shouldn't take so long... But look at my profile to see how it's coming!**_

_**Hang tight! **_

_**Please tell me how I can improve! I read every review! They make me so happy!**_

_**And the more reviews I get, the more I wanna write! **_

_----_

_**Kanda's Song...**_

_**The forest owl said**_

_**I am the guardian of the forest**_

_**Fearsome wolves and kitsune and the like**_

_**Won't be allowed to come near, so sleep, sleep**_

_**Gorosuke (name of the owl) hoo hoo**_

_**Gorosuke hoo**_


	7. Always

_**Hello everyone! This is the final installment of "Broken When I'm Open." I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Yes, it is a bit late and I apologize. As you may have read on my profile, My cat Danny was put to sleep on Nov 14**__**th**__**. He was only two and a half and I miss him dearly. **_

_**Thank you for your understanding.**_

_**Thank you to all who reviewed, fav'd, or alerted'd. Your support really encouraged me to keep writing! A million thank you's to everyone! THANK YOU!**_

_**Today's quote is from Sir James M. Barrie (I have no clue who that is...)**_

_**Chapter 7 is rated T+ for mild language and... situations...**_

_**I do not own -man. It is owned by the people who own it.**_

_----_

_If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have._

----

"Goodbye... Allen"

----

"_Hm... I still feel cold." _Allen thought to himself as he opened his eyes. He was tucked into an unfamiliar bed in what he recognized to be the Black Order's infirmary. He looked slowly around the room as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. A small clock hanging on the wall opposite him read 12:56. _"It's the middle of the night... That would explain why there was no one around." _Allen stared up at the ceiling and tried to recall what had happened to put him in the sick bed. His memories were sort of a hazy, indistinguishable blur. He remembered feeling cold though. Very cold. He felt just as cold now as he had then... whenever _'then'_ was... Allen shut his eyes and tried to focus. He could hear the slow, dull thump of his beating heart in his ears. He began to inhale deeply to clear the stale air out of his lungs only to feel a clenching pain in this chest. He looked down and saw that his torso was tightly bandaged.

"_Don't you remember!? You got stabbed-"_

Allen's eyes flew open at the sudden recollection. "Kanda..." He whispered.

"_Baka!"_

"_-I feel sick just looking at you!"_

"_-I would have let you die."_

Allen was now feeling very short of breath. Tears began to flow involuntarily down his pale face and sobs echoed throughout the empty infirmary. He wished someone had been there with him when he woke up, and even after everything, he wished that someone was Kanda. "Oh God, I want to see him so much!" He said in a raspy voice. Allen shook as he tried to suppress his sobs and stop the warm, salty liquid from pouring down his face.

----

Kanda lay awake in his room staring at the dirty gray ceiling. He had given Komui the Mission Report and found out more about what had happened...

----

"_Lansing Town was taken over by Akuma a while ago, but being such a remote and secluded city it went unnoticed by the Order... especially with the amount of attacks on the rise elsewhere. When that town became empty the Akuma moved away from it to surrounding ones in order to find more 'victims.' However, when you and Allen arrived, they were drawn to your innocence and flocked back all at once."_ Komui explained.

----

Kanda turned onto his side and his thoughts began to wander to Allen. Even though he knew Allen was safe and would live despite his injury, Kanda just couldn't get the white haired boy out of his mind. Allen had remained unconscious during the trip back to Head Quarters and now, two days later, he was still out of it. Even though Kanda wanted him to wake up so he would know if he was truly alright, he was very nervous as well. How would the Moyashi act around him? Kanda was sure he would hate him... maybe never even speak to him again._ "That's what I wanted, but... Ugh! No buts!"_ Kanda scolded himself, _"I can't have anything to do with Allen ever again! I just... can't..." _He clenched his fists and bit his lip in frustration. _"...Dammit..."_

----

The next day Allen awoke to see Lenalee and Lavi smiling down on him. He jumped slightly from surprise. "A-ah..."

"Good morning, Allen!" Lenalee beamed.

"G-Good Morning." Allen stuttered while trying to paste a smile on his face that wouldn't look completely fake.

"Glad you're finally awake, Allen!"

"Thanks..."

"..."

"Are you okay Allen? You seem a bit..." Lenalee paused and shot Allen a worried look.

"Oh! I'm fine! I'm just a bit hungry, that's all!" Allen piped up.

"Then let's go to the cafeteria!" Lavi chimed.

"Mm!"

Allen began to sit up only to have a certain pain in his chest remind him he'd been put through the equivalent of a life-size hole-puncher. "Ah!" he winced.

"I'm afraid Mr. Walker wont be going anywhere for at least one week and he won't be going on missions for another three after that." A nearby nurse stated firmly. "We can't risk his injury getting worse or reopening. He's already lost a lot of blood and it will take time for his body to make more."

"Hm? How much did he lose?" Lavi asked.

"About one and a half litres... For someone Mr. Walker's size, that's around one third of his blood." The nurse answered before turning her attention to Allen, "You're very fortunate that Mr. Kanda managed to stop the flow when he did."

Kanda's words flooded back to Allen, _"...if it were up to me... I would have let you die." _Allen looked down to avoid the others' gaze. He wanted to cry and scream into his pillow but only clenched his fists and bit his lip._ "...Dammit..." _He thought dejectedly.

"A-Allen?"

"...I-"

"Well, visiting hours are over. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. He needs his rest."

"O-Of course... See you later, Allen."

"Bye' Allen!"

"..."

With that, Allen was left alone with his thoughts once more.

As night began to fall, Allen found himself mulling over his current predicament again and again in his head and the more he did, the more desolate he felt. _"I really thought he was beginning to like me... How could I be so stupid? How could I let him get to me!? He's always been such a jerk to me so... why does it hurt so much now? It's not fair! He-He's such a bastard! Damn him... Kanda... Why does it hurt!? Could I still... After everything... I..." _Allen took a deep breath and shuffled toward the edge of his bed. He turned and placed his feet on the icy, tile floor and felt a shiver go up his spine. He knew he shouldn't be moving, but he had to talk to Kanda. It was that simple. Allen didn't care about the possible consequences or the danger to his health. None of that mattered anymore.

It was around 3:00AM when Allen left his room in the infirmary. He couldn't take any chances of being seen. _"Even the nurses should be asleep at this hour..." _He mused to himself. He was right too. No one was around when he peeked out from his room. He was a bit shaky on his feet but his chest didn't hurt too much... It just felt heavy. "Must be all the pain killers I'm on." He mumbled to himself. All in all however, he didn't feel too bad. "That nurse must have been exaggerating!" Kanda _was_ near the top of the Black Order though... and that was a long way from where Allen was currently stationed. _Huff, "I can do it."_

Allen slowly crept out of the infirmary and began to climb the maze of stairs that lay before him finding it much more difficult than he had previously anticipated. Breathing, though not painful, was arduous and took quite a bit of effort and climbing a few flights of stairs felt like running a marathon. The British teen wanted nothing more than to collapse on the cold, stone floor but he feared that if he even so much as sat down he wouldn't be able to rise again.

_Huff..._

_Huff..._

"Only a little further..." Allen told himself reassuringly. He tried to think of something other than the daunting climb still ahead of him. _"Kanda... What should I say to him? I haven't really given it much thought... What if he gets mad? This may be a convenient time for me to walk around but he's probably fast asleep... Damn! I- He- Maybe I should go back..." _Allen paused and looked around. He was only three flights of stairs away from the irritable exorcist's room and the thought of having to trek all the way back down to the infirmary made his stomach turn. "W-What the hell am I worried about!? Who cares if he's mad!? I'll just tell him off and be done with it! H-Ha ha ha..."

Allen was clinging hard onto the railing and practically dragging himself up the stairs by this point. Beads of sweat ran down his face. Normally, when one over exerts themselves their faces flush a reddish colour but Allen's was rather pale. He could feel his heart rate go up as he steadily inched closer to the foreboding, black door.

_Huff..._

_HUFF..._

Allen raised his hand took a deep breath before tapping his knuckles softly against the painted wood.

_Tap, tap, tap!_

Inside, Kanda opened his eyes. He hadn't been able to fall asleep and was feeling tired and frustrated that Allen was getting to him so much. He was definitely not in the mood for company. The samurai sat up from his bed and peered angrily at his clock. _"Who the hell is knocking on my door at this hour!?" _He debated momentarily whether or not he should even answer, _"Maybe some idiot Finder got some room numbers mixed up."_ But when he heard the knock come again, and louder this time, he figured that probably wasn't the case and he was mildly curious as to who had the guts to wake him up at 3:00AM. Kanda got to his feet and walked toward the door.

Allen's feelings of uneasiness doubled when he heard the door knob turn and tripled when he was met with an all too familiar glare.

"M-Moyashi!?" Kanda said just a bit too loudly considering the time.

"Kanda... I- Ah-!" Allen stuttered as he was grabbed by the shirt and flung gracelessly into the Japanese man's room. He tried to steady himself but fell head first onto Kanda's bed. His little "expedition" had left him feeling light-headed and sick and he would have loved to just drift off to sleep in the warm, Kanda-scented sheets that lay strewn around him but he turned instead to face the seething man behind him. "U-Uh- Um- Kanda... I..."

"_He's okay!? He's really okay!"_ Kanda inwardly rejoiced, but upon closer inspection, he realized the Moyashi was far from 'okay'. Kanda didn't know the specifics of Allen's injury but he knew he probably shouldn't be climbing up thirty flights of stairs at three in the morning. "What the hell are you doing here!?" Kanda shouted making sure all the concern in his voice was masked by annoyance.

"I- I-" Allen's mind went blank. Kanda was indeed mad, and he didn't even have a good excuse for bothering him.

"Dammit Allen! You better not have woken me up at 3:00AM for nothing!" Kanda lied, for he hadn't actually been sleeping. "You never think do you!? That's why you're such a baka, Moyashi!"

Allen cringed. _"Why does he...?"_ At that moment he'd figured it out. He knew what he needed to ask even though he was afraid of the answer.

"...And you're always-"

"Kanda."

The swordsman stopped mid rant and turned his attention to Allen.

"Why do you hate me?"

"..."

"Well?"

Kanda backed away slightly from Allen. The white haired boys gray eyes focused sadly on his own dark ones. How could he tell him!? It was too hard to explain so Kanda remained silent.

"...Fine..." Allen whispered. "I'll never leave myself open again!" Allen stood up, eyes lowered and shoved past Kanda toward the door. _"I can't do this anymore..." _

Kanda froze. _"What does he mean..?" _Without thinking, he grabbed Allen's arm.

"What did you mean by that, Moyashi?"

"Don't you get it!? I-I love you. I love you so much it _hurts!_" Tears Allen had been trying so hard to hold back trickled down his cheeks, "But I get it now, okay? You can't even stand to look at me, right!? YOU WISH I WAS DEAD, RIGHT!? Now let me-"

"That's not it."

"...What are you talking about?"

"Dammit Allen! _You_ don't get it! You don't get it at all! But... I didn't want you to..."

"Kanda... What are you saying?"

"I don't hate you! I-I-I..." This was the first time Kanda had ever really felt at a loss for words. A rosy blush crept its way across his beautiful, handsome face. "...I'm in love with you, Allen."

All Allen could do was stare. How could this be happening?

"But..." Kanda turned away from the innocent face and looked despairingly at the floor. "But... I don't deserve you. You're a good person Allen. No, you're better than good! Whenever I see you, you're smiling. You help everyone even if it means neglecting yourself!" Kanda clenched his fists. There was no going back now. Everything was out in the open like it should be, and should've been from the start. "Being around you made me realize what a selfish bastard I am! I'd see you and see everything I'm not and... and I hated it! But that light inside you that exposed all my flaws kept drawing me in... Allen, you're pure and innocent and you don't even realize it! And... I love that about you. I can't lie to myself anymore."

"But I-"

"Stop, Allen! Don't you see!?" Kanda spun around and gripped Allen's small, delicate shoulders with quivering hands. "Someone like you deserves so much better than me! THAT'S WHY I SAID THOSE THINGS! It was for your own good! The more distance between us the happier you'll be and... that's all I want. I want you to be happy... I-I..."

Before Kanda could say any more Allen had him locked in a tight embrace. "What are you doing? Weren't you listening? I don't-"

"It's not up to you. Don't decide for me what I do and don't deserve. There's no such thing as 'better than you.' Not to me. I love you, Kanda. I can't live without you! Please don't say such things, just stay with me always!" Allen hugged himself closer to the tentative swordsman and rested his head on his chest.

Kanda had never felt so conflicted. Allen, the one he loved and wanted to protect more than anything in the world was saying he returned his feelings. He wanted nothing more than to stay by the small exorcist's side and keep him safe from danger, but... what if he couldn't? What if he failed? Allen had already gotten hurt once because of his carelessness and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if it happened again. "But... I couldn't protect you."

Allen looked up at Kanda. He knew there was no way to convince him that what had happened to him hadn't been his fault. "I guess you owe me one then." The British teen gave him a reassuring smile.

Kanda paused and wiped a stray tear from Allen's cheek, "Only if you'll let me." He said and smiled back. It was the most beautiful smile Allen had ever seen.

"Mm!" Allen suddenly felt one of Kanda's arms wrap round his slender waist and a warm hand cup his face. He could feel his heart beat faster and his body tingle as Kanda leaned in and kissed him. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced. A delightful pink stained his cheeks and he felt warm and safe. Kanda's lips were surprisingly soft and Allen could tell he was already addicted to the feeling. He couldn't contain his happiness as he kissed back.

When Allen put his own arms around Kanda's neck, the Japanese man seemed to take it as a cue to go further. He carefully parted Allen's lips with his own and slicked his tongue over Moyashi's. This new feeling made Allen feel a bit nervous at first but Kanda was very gentle. He seemed to be trying his best to make Allen feel comfortable and not overstep any unspoken boundaries. He succeeded. Allen had never felt more secure; more loved. He couldn't suppress the butterflies he felt in his stomach. He wanted this moment to last forever... but his thirty-story escapade didn't come without a price. A sudden light-headed feeling swept over Allen and he would have fallen to his knees if Kanda hadn't been holding him.

"Allen, what's wrong!?" Kanda carefully lowered his Moyashi to the floor and crouched down beside him.

"Nothing, nothing! I'm just not supposed to move for a week!"

Kanda smacked his palm to his forehead and slid his hand down his face in a 'you're-an-idiot' type gesture. "Che. Once a Baka Moyashi, always a Baka Moyashi." He said mockingly.

Allen tried to pout but his cuteness shone through and spoiled his attempt. Kanda blushed slightly and looked to the side in a pathetic effort to try and hide it.

"Come on. I'll carry you back down."

"..."

"Oi. What's the matter?"

"N-Nothing! It's just that... Um... Co-Could I maybe... stay here tonight?" Allen whispered whilst fiddling with his fingers.

"..."

"I'm sorry! Forget I asked! I didn't- Ah!" Allen gasped as he found himself being lifted bridal style off the ground and being dumped unceremoniously onto Kanda's bed. He stared bewildered at the older exorcist who nonchalantly began undressing right in front of him.

"GAH! What are you doing!?" Allen yelped and covered his eyes in embarrassment.

"Che. Relax Moyashi. You may already be in your pajamas but I'm not."

The cursed teen looked down at his attire. He was indeed in his nightwear. He'd completely forgotten to change before going to visit Kanda. When he looked up again he saw the beautiful raven-haired man standing over him, dark strands that used to be suspended by a hair-tie hung by his sides and he wore nothing but shorts and a plain, white T-shirt. He carefully climbed into bed beside Allen and faced him. "Aren't you going to lie down?"

"Ah- Y-Yes!" Allen lay down beside Kanda and turned toward him. They were so close. Only a few inches apart at the most. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered wildly but he felt calm. He found Kanda's hand under the sheets and clasped it in his own. He leaned over and kissed the man once more and inched over so close they were touching. Kanda blushed profusely but it was hidden by the darkness.

"I love you, Kanda."

"I love you too, Allen. Always."

----

~Fin

----

_**So there you have it! I hope you liked the ending! This was so much fun to write! I never expected my first fic (or any future fics) to get so many wonderful reviews! **_

_**Thank you!**_

_**This is the last chappie and I would love to hear what everyone thought! **_

_**~Please review even if you've never reviewed before! **_

_**It would make me very happy!**_

_**Until next time!**_

_**P.S. I may right a little "six months later" continuation so I wont mark this story as complete quite yet.**_


End file.
